I have a reputation for being the “Treadmill Queen”. I wouldn’t call myself a Queen; Court Jester would be more accurate. When it comes to the treadmill go ahead and prepare to call me freak, sick, strange, crazy, whatever name you should choose but in all honesty I prefer to run on the treadmill.
There. I said it, the “anti” runner statement. But it is true. On a brisk 40-50 degree day (“perfect” running weather) you will find me on the treadmill. Shoot, pretty much most of my runs, you will find me on the treadmill.
In an attempt to get 99% of the running community to take a glimpse into my alter universe I will provide you with the multitude of reasons as to why I personally prefer to run on the treadmill, in no particular order:
- No dogs off leashes. Well, there is one. But he snoozes on the yoga mat beside the treadmill and the worst thing he does is pass gas. I have been chased over walls, had ankles and the back of my leg bitten by all shapes and sizes of dogs, cats and oh I live in the desert…. don’t get me started on Coyotes.
- No stoplights.
- No rattlesnakes.
- The nearest bathroom is 3 feet away, it is clean, not a bush or tree that I hope is wide enough to hide me, has toilet paper stocked (well, that can remain to be seen as I am the only female in my house, but at least I know where the spare rolls are kept), it also has really pretty smelling soap in there. BONUS.
- I can wear a sports bra and shorts and not worry about looking like a busted can ‘o biscuits hanging out everywhere in the land of Cirque performers.
- No cars.
- No motorcycles.
- No creepers that seem to be lapping the block over, and over, and over, and over. Shudder
- No random poles, stop signs, light posts that jump in front of me and crash into me. I mean really? The nerve.
- No rocks or other objects to trip over. Or the desert hare that ran in front of me with comedic timing and ended up getting punted. Let me tell you something so cute can REALLY give a mean stink eye.
- I like to run light. The treadmill holds my water bottles, cell phone, fuel, snot rocket towel, HR monitor watch, and sweat towel.
- Can’t step in poop.
- Temperature and climate control.
- I can watch TV or a movie if I want. I never have, but I could if I wanted.
- If I take it to the puke zone the trashcan is next to the treadmill or refer to #4.
- I listen to my iPod and don’t have to worry about hearing my surroundings, I can get lost in my music. I can also sing out loud without crazy looks, well, unless the family is home.
- I can control my pace, timed surges, etc. without OCD checking my wrist. Just a quick glance at the dash and touch of a button.
- If my clothes are stained, don’t match, ugly, stinky, only person to bother is me, and or refer to #1 the dog with gas that sleeps on the yoga mat.
- I can control my elevation gain.
- Sun safe! Sunscreen not needed.
- I can’t get lost.
- No chance of accidental bug ingestion.
- Can’t get pooped on by a bird or have one crash into my head (yes this has happened to me twice).
- I can completely zone out and not have to be aware of my surroundings. I solve the world’s problems in my head. And well, think of blog posts like this one….
- When my son was a newborn and my husband worked graveyard shift and slept during the day we did not have a fancy stroller, it was my only way to regain sanity. Without it for MANY years no treadmill, no run. For anyone who calls the treadmill the “dreadmill” I want them to be faced with the harsh reality that if they want to run THE ONLY way they CAN is on the treadmill. How quickly they will appreciate the treadmill.
Do not get me wrong. I love to run outside, in nature. The sights, the sounds, the smells. But given a choice I will take the treadmill thank you.